Remus Lupin's boggart
by Orion-and-his-dog
Summary: For as long as he could remember, Remus Lupin's boggart had been the full moon, his most terrible and greatest fear. It's eerie light would fill the room and fill his heart, spread a cold, dreadful sweat over his tiny, young body. When Remus Lupin went to Hogwarts at 11, he dreaded someone would discover his dark and terrifying secret.


For as long as he could remember, Remus Lupin's boggart had been the full moon, his most terrible and greatest fear. It's eerie light would fill the room and fill his heart, spread a cold, dreadful sweat over his tiny, young body. When Remus Lupin went to Hogwarts at 11, he dreaded someone would discover his dark and terrifying secret. His boggart made him miserable and shy, living inside him and eating him up.

But then Remus met the Marauders or perhaps it's more accurate to say he made the Marauders (because Sirius Black, James Potter and Peter Pettigrew didn't make sense without Remus, not really). And they were the best friends anyone could've thought up, and for a time his fears didn't seem so great; those nights weren't so long; his pain not so obvious on his pale face.

Time continued, and life did too. The Marauders did the unthinkable - completing the final sacrifice and making his fear just another part of his dark past; Lily Evans became, first a topic of endless, angsty conversation, but later a vital, permanent part of the four boys; and the war raged on outside the castle walls. As many were taken, many loved and lost, Remus Lupin's boggart changed. Now he saw what was soon becoming a sickening reality, now when he stood in front of that wardobe, closet or chest, figures appeared before him. His mother, Sirius, Peter, Marlene Mckinnon, James and Lily, motionless, bloody, dead. The images haunted him, appearing whenever the next lot of dead were announced, they shadowed every act of joy, every kiss, every laugh. More casualties of this careless blood battle. Remus was haunted especially by the image of the last two, two of his best friends, locked hands, he was unable to see them separated even in death. And the last dreadful thought that followed the reality of his friends' impending and unknown fates - the fear that death would neglect to take him too. That he'd be left, alone, scared, a monster. Too dangerous even to die.

The war continued, the deaths did too. One by one the bodies piled. His mother first, lonely, old and tired of a life that made a monster out of her only son. Marlene went next, fighting till the end, just as she wanted. Next came a black and terrifying year. The birth of baby Harry only brought more fear, more bleak expectations. Remus' developed one all consuming fear, squashing the thought of the full moon deep down inside his monster. The fear that Sirius, Peter, James and Lily would be taken was one that ate him until Remus ran on nothing but terror, nothing but sad, lonely terror as he felt his friends fall away from him, they themselves terrified of what each of them were capable of.

Then the war was lost (or so it seemed to Remus), and so were the four lives that made him want to wake up everyday. Three dead, one lost forever in a land as black as his name. Remus woke up and stared in the mirror and he couldn't understand how he was still looking, still breathing, still standing when everything he lived for had decayed. Remus took a deep breath and readied himself for a life without the ones who made his life a life. Remus took a step forward and marveled that he still existed when there was nothing inside.

Remus Lupin's boggart changed that day. It transformed back to that white face of a full and greedy moon. It brought back the truth that no matter how many died, how many he lost, he would never be rid of the monster inside himself. And by the time Harry Potter and his classmates see Professor Lupin's boggart, Remus has forgotten what it was to live without fear, without wanting to die. Remus wished he'd forgotten his friend James, who looks so much the child in front of him, and their beautiful friend Lily, who has passed on her wonderful eyes to her wonderful son. Their son who smiles so much like his godfather, like their once brilliant fourth Marauder, exhilarated, brave and happy.

Harry looks so much like a Marauder, that after that day Remus Lupin's boggart changes for a fourth time. Now Remus sees a mixture of everything he's ever loved in one boy fall to the ground for a final time. And when this particular fear becomes reality, Remus is newly dead, with his new wife, leaving his newborn son but Remus is relieved. Remus has finally, _finally_ lost his fear - no monster, no death, no betrayal, no _boggart _can hurt him now. _Ridikkulus. _


End file.
